you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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