i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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