I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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