I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
