um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
