a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If that was your dad, he is hot
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
