Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
