It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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