walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize