onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
