my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
