Tell her she can't have a vagina
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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