I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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