I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
