he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize