Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
