the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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