i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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