all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
