Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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