Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
