I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
