how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
