I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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