I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
