Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize