I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
