My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
