I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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