sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
