I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
