apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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