so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
