walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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