margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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