You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
