my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
