I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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