Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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