So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
