I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
