Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
