My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize