when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
