you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
