I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
