My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
