new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
