U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
