Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
