I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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