he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
