I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
