I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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