im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
