just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
