In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize