He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
