I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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