It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
