it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
