Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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