I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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