I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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