When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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