Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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