i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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