It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize