there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
