shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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