either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
