Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
