Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My feet surprised me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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