your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize