Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
